The Trap: Why I keep doing the things I wish I didn’t!
This wasn’t supposed to be a blog, nor did I ever think I’d write about something I haven’t thoroughly analysed, let alone blog publicly about. But a weirdly intense conversation with ChatGPT blew my brain wide open today and made me stare straight at something I’d never quite been able to see.
What started as a quick exercise – building a few yes or no decision filters to help me stay focused – turned into one of the most useful, exposing, frustrating and slightly infuriating discoveries I’ve had about my own behaviour, and now that I’ve seen it, I can’t unsee it.
This is the blog I never knew I needed to write and I’m calling it….The Trap.
Let me take you back to the moment it hit me this evening…
Last night I needed to go to bed early – simple enough – but instead I found myself replying to emails and LinkedIn messages from as far back as seven months ago. These inbox’s had become a digital swamps of cold DMs, old threads and people trying to sell me something. Say out of say 100 messages as an example, maybe 30 were worth any time at all. I knew that deep down.
Could I stop though? Nope, I wanted to do it anyway. I knew it wasn’t productive. I knew I’d feel guilty, awkward and annoyed at myself – and I did, even as I kept going. Four hours later, at 3am, I was still there, still reading, still replying. It got so bad that even LinkedIn booted me out for ‘suspicious activity‘ – apparently replying to seven months’ worth of messages in one night isn’t considered normal human behaviour. Fair one LinkedIn, fair one!
And the whole time I’m muttering, “Why am I doing this – stop it, do your bloody expenses instead if you must?” Does this sound familiar to anyone else, or should I just speed dial myself a straitjacket?
Turns out, it’s not just procrastination – it’s got a few names and ChatGPT threw some savage labels at it, but this one made me stop in my tracks……… and realise everything.
Dopamine-Driven Overfunctioning
I now call it Triggered Overfunctioning – for short because it needs a name!
I’d never really thought about it in relation to myself before, but wow. It was like my brain knew this realisation would eventually come to light and (the little $h)it’s been hiding it from me all along, because once it lands, once I can name it, the subconscious part of me that benefits from this self-harming behaviour knows it’s in trouble. This label or terminology didn’t just click – it exposed something I’ve been dancing around for years.
Useful-looking sabotage – which explains it perfectly, but no….. I’m lying Self-harming behaviour explains it better in my case as it’s chased and haunted me all my life. Although one of the correct terms is dopamine-driven overfunctioning, I call it Triggered Overfunctioning for short. The behaviour itself is a messy mix of self-sabotage and guilt-fuelled loops, and for me, I just call the whole experience The Trap – because that’s exactly what it feels like.
Depending on who you are and what you do, you might recognise this same behaviour under a different name, or even a form of OCD. It might show up as:
- Useful-looking sabotage
- Hyperfunctioning avoidance
- False productivity loop
- Compulsive clearing
- Triggered task trap
- False flow state
- Focus fraud
This is the Trap
The Trap in my case is when you know something isn’t helpful or strategic. You know there’s maybe one half-baked imaginary reason to do it and nine loud flashing reasons not to – but you do it anyway. You respond to 70% of everything and answer people who didn’t even ask a question. Hell, I even popped reaction emoji’s on some just to feel like I’d acknowledged the message – like I had this weird burning compulsion to respond to absolutely everything, even the most pointless DMs, as if not replying at all would somehow make me rude or irresponsible. It’s not productivity. It’s avoidance in a power suit and it’s exhausting.
It’s not laziness, poor planning or stupidity – it’s a neurological trap, driven by a combo of:
- Mental fatigue
- Dopamine-seeking
- People-pleasing
- Avoidance
- Guilt
- And a hyperactive sense of unfinished-ness
The worst part for me is that this IS the biggest repetitive trigger that fuels my burnouts – every single time – and I’ve only really just realised it!
Let’s be honest – it’s not that I don’t know the difference between something genuinely helpful and something that’s just another loop of The Trap. I do know. That’s the maddening part. I know it’s not productive. I know I’m sabotaging myself. And I do it anyway. It’s like I go into hyperfocus mode – but instead of focusing on something useful, I lock onto self-sabotage like it’s a 007 mission. I tire myself out even more, get more annoyed at myself and gain absolutely nothing in return.
And the kicker? The very next day, once I finally proved myself human and got back into LinkedIn, I deleted the rest of the messages so there was zero chance of a repeat. And it felt brilliant! If it’s that urgent or from my trusted network they’ll message again. We all forget messages – no one’s going to die. So why couldn’t I just do that the night before and smash my invoices or expenses instead? That’s what gets me… because the day after I’m always so perplexed as to how I got into such a situation – yet again!
So now I need something stronger than self-awareness – I need boundaries and reminders sharp enough to override the sabotage in that moment, especially when I’m tired or extremely stressed. That’s when The Trap hits hardest, and I need something strong enough to pull me out of the quicksand.
And more than that – I need to stop pretending I’ve got a full 24 hours in a day that I can actually access. Technically, yes, I do – but in reality, I don’t have a natural grasp of time. Time blindness is real. What I do have is a limited supply of energy. And that energy fluctuates wildly. I’ve started realising that instead of planning my life around hours and to-do lists, I need to start paying attention to my energy levels – because that’s my magic. Energy is the actual currency I should be working more with.
So what am I doing about this?
Well, I’ve started building something to help me snap out of it when I feel myself slipping. Not rules, exactly – more like mini reset prompts. A fireguard or reality check for my brain when it’s trying to justify something that deep down, I know doesn’t matter in that moment.
So I created a short list of reset questions to bring me back to reality when I feel myself slipping. These are my personal gut-checks – blunt on purpose – because when I’m tired or overwhelmed, I need something strong enough to snap me out of The Trap.
Here they are:
- Does it earn money?
- Is it a strategic opportunity?
- Is it a genuine connection worth investing in?
Now I know these sound harsh out of context, but they’re not about being cold or transactional. They’re about making sure I snap myself out of it so don’t burn myself out by spending precious energy in the wrong places. These are to help me prioritise when I’m too tired to think straight.
Each of these questions is a gut-check – and whether the answer is yes or no, it all points to the same thing: should I be doing this or not? If the answers don’t clearly stack in the direction of yes, this matters, I need walk away. No excuses. No bargaining. Just stop.
What I learned (and maybe you will too)
I’m not lazy, I’m not flaky, and I’m definitely not Stupid….. But I am prone to spiralling into guilt-fuelled busywork when I’m exhausted, mentally overloaded, emotionally scattered, frustrated or just running on fumes – all the prime conditions that trigger The Trap without warning.
It’s like being a secret food raider, sneaking into the kitchen at night and eating when you’re not even hungry. Except it’s not food – it’s LinkedIn messages, pointless replies and overdue admin. It feels like action, but in reality it’s empty and pointless.
And now I’ve named it, I can start catching it. Not every time, but enough to start shifting the pattern.
If this resonates – you’re probably overloaded and you’re definitely not alone. And seriously, why do we work 1000x harder when we’re on empty, on tasks that don’t even matter?
This ChatGPT conversation blindsided me. It cracked open something deep-rooted – and now that it’s written down, it feels like I’ve finally called out something that’s been quietly wrecking my mental load for years.
Here’s to catching The Trap before putting your foot in it! If you’ve ever found yourself doing the exact opposite of what’s helpful – feel free to message me, I now really get it!
(PS – If you’re thinking of cold DM-ing me to sell something, please don’t…. lol)
Useful Links
Living with ADHD & Mental Health Challenges – Mind UK: ADHD & Everyday Mental Health
When Productivity Feels Compulsive – Mind UK: OCD Info (Repetitive Behaviours)
Always Busy, Running on Anxiety – PositivePsychology: High-Functioning Anxiety Guide
I’m also working on a free PDF tool to help spot and escape The Trap in real time – something practical you can keep nearby for those overloaded moments. If that sounds like something you’d find useful, sign up to my newsletter and I’ll send it your way once it’s ready.
