Let’s call this what it is – a public service announcement wrapped in a bit of humour and a lot of honesty!
ADHD Was Always There
I’ve lived with ADHD all my life, though I didn’t realise that’s what it was for most of it. I just thought I was scatterbrained, sensitive, occasionally brilliant – but mostly chaotic.
For years, I went to doctors begging for answers. Why can’t I focus? Why am I so anxious? Why does life feel harder for me than it seems to for other people?
The response? “You’re probably just a bit low. Try some antidepressants, and eat more veg.”
That was it, no matter how many times I appeared over the years asking for help because I felt I was going out of my mind. No one looked deeper, no one even cared enough to ask the right questions and certainly no one mentioned ADHD either!
When someone suggested ADHD, I did my research and brought it up with my doctor – because at that point I genuinely thought I was going into early-onset dementia….
His response? “No, you don’t get ADHD in adults. That’s for naughty little boys. It’s just the latest media fad!”
I kid you not! I sat there stunned, dumfounded and – for once – totally speechless!
That was the moment I knew I needed to look elsewhere and was forced to go private. I had to get to the bottom of what was really happening because by then I was trying to ram the kettle in the fridge, couldn’t work out obvious things, or remember basic stuff anymore… like even family member names in conversations!
The Diagnosis
So it then turns out I am as ADHD as you can possibly get!
On the QB test, I scored in the highest possible range – apparently only around one percent of people with ADHD reach the level of symptom severity I did.
I cannot pretend I will ever stop feeling bitter about that. I had been asking for help for years, through the NHS and even private medical schemes at work, and nobody joined the dots. On the outside I looked like a fully functioning adult, holding it together in appointments and trying to explain how bad things felt, so I probably came across as someone having a bit of a whinge rather than someone who was totally drowning.
There are three types of ADHD:
- Inattentive – daydreamy, forgetful, easily distracted
- Hyperactive-Impulsive – restless, talkative, interrupting
- Combined – a cocktail of both
I’ve got the combined type. That means yes, I get easily distracted and I’m constantly restless – and for the record, it’s also the most common type of ADHD too. If you’ve been told you’re combined, you’re in very good company!
The Missing Link: The Perfect Storm
The reason it all got so extreme, the reason I literally couldn’t function or mask anymore, was because the dips in hormones had begun – hello and welcome to the start of perimenopause – creeping in like an uninvited, silent assassin!
When oestrogen starts dropping – and mine has always been low – it doesn’t just affect your periods or mood. It sends your ADHD symptoms wild, and in my case bat-shhht wild!
So while I thought I was finally getting answers, perimenopause had entered the room… and lit it up.
Miss Oestrogen packed her little bags, waved goodbye, and with her went the tiny bit of cognitive stability I had left!
If you didn’t know, oestrogen plays a big role in regulating dopamine.
And guess what ADHD brains are short on? Yep. Dopamine!
So when your hormone levels start swinging like a drunk aunt at a wedding, your ADHD doesn’t just get a bit worse – it goes full-on-feral!
👉 NHS guide to perimenopause and menopause.
Gentle Reminder: Men Experience Midlife Hormonal Shifts Too
And while I’m talking mainly about women here, men aren’t completely off the hook. Midlife brings hormonal changes for them too – it’s often called the andropause (sometimes referred to as the male menopause).
It isn’t as sudden as menopause, but testosterone levels gradually decline – about 1% per year from age 30 onwards – and that drop can affect mood, energy, memory, sleep, libido and concentration.
For men with ADHD, the overlap can be just as brutal, because testosterone (like oestrogen) has a direct effect on dopamine and other neurotransmitters that ADHD brains already struggle with.
👉 NHS overview of the “male menopause”.
What It Looked Like For Me
I wasn’t just forgetful, I was…
- Walking into rooms and staring blankly, repeatedly.
- Trying to ram the kettle in the fridge.
- My motivation? Gone.
- My memory? Patchy at best.
- My emotions? Fragile as hell.
- Sleep? Non-existent.
I could go from “fine” to sobbing at a dropped teabag in seconds.
I genuinely thought I was losing my mind!
Turns Out… I Wasn’t… Exactly
Turns out, this happens to a lot of women with ADHD – especially those of us who made it into adulthood without a diagnosis. The ones who spent years masking, firefighting, pushing through, and blaming ourselves for not being able to do life the way everyone else seems to. Working harder and longer to overcompensate and prove our worth to avoid being under a microscope – and if I’m honest, I still do it to a degree.
On a much heavier note, because ADHD is highly hereditary, I often look back at my own family history. My mother lost four of her brothers to suicide many years ago, all in their early to mid-30s. Since then, two male cousins have also tragically taken their lives. I can’t help but wonder if their undiagnosed struggles with something like ADHD – or other neurodivergence – just got too much for them. Remember, back then a diagnosis wasn’t even on the table. It feels like too much of a tragic coincidence to ignore, and it makes me realise how vital it is that we talk about this openly today.
And while I’m talking mainly about women here, men go through their own shifts too, often without ever naming it. That silence means they often miss support that could help.
This Blog Isn’t a Pity Party
It’s an awareness-raising, head-nodding, possibly life-saving rant.
Because if you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait, that’s me,” please know:
- You’re not broken.
- You’re not lazy.
- You’re not weak.
- And you’re definitely imagining it – it’s real!
You might just be dealing with the brutal combo of undiagnosed ADHD and midlife hormonal shifts. And you are not alone.
We deserve better answers than “you’re just stressed – eat more runner-beans” or “have you tried a mindfulness app?”
We deserve proper diagnosis, informed support, and professionals who understand that ADHD often shows up differently – especially when hormones are involved.
What Can You Actually Do About It?
If this hit a nerve and you’re in the thick of it right now, here are a few things that might help. Not miracle fixes, just friendly nudges that could make life feel a bit more doable.
Things You Can Do at Home
- Write stuff down. No-ones brain is a filing cabinet, computer or smartphone. Use sticky notes, whiteboards or task apps to remember things, whatever works for you.
- Set timers, alarms or reminders. If your sense of time has left the building, like mine, let your phone or smartwatch pick up the slack.
- Batch the basics. Group similar tasks together. Do all the emails, then all the laundry. Switching tasks drains your brain more than you think.
- Move your body. Movement is magic for ADHD because it produces dopamine and helps to regulate mood.
- Get outside. Even five minutes with a cuppa in the garden can reset your brain. Nature really does help when your head feels like it has 47 tabs open.
Support You Can Reach For
- Get your hormones checked – whether you’re a woman in perimenopause or a man in midlife, knowing your levels can make a real difference. Your GP can arrange blood tests.
- Ask your GP about treatment – HRT for women or testosterone treatment for men. Both can help more than you might expect. See the NHS on menopause treatment and male menopause.
- Consider stress hormones too – cortisol is your body’s main stress hormone and can be tested if there’s a medical reason. High or low cortisol can affect energy, mood, sleep, and concentration. The NHS has a guide here: cortisol blood test.
- Explore ADHD assessment – even later in life, having language for what’s happening is powerful.
- Find a therapist who understands neurodivergence – not one who hands you a CBT worksheet and waves you off.
- Join peer groups or online communities – connecting with others on the same rollercoaster makes a huge difference.
- Consider ADHD coaching, structured accountability, or occupational therapy – sometimes the help you need is practical, not emotional.
You don’t have to do all these things. You don’t have to do them perfectly. One small shift could help you feel more like you again.
Book Recommendation
I’ve also found value in a few books. I really struggle to read cover to cover, but one in particular was fantastic and I can’t praise it enough.
📖 The ADHD User’s Manual: From Understanding to Empowerment by Ludovico Saint Amour di Chanaz, PhD. Written by someone with ADHD, it breaks everything down in simple terms, explains why we often feel bitter, and backs it all up with solid references.
I hope you find it insightful and enjoy it as much as I did!
You can find it here: The ADHD User’s Manual on Amazon.
One More Thing Before I Go…
I want to be completely open about who I am and why this matters so much to me: I’m a business consultant who happens to be neurodivergent. I live with ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia (the numbers one), and a few other things.
I’m telling you this not to earn sympathy, but to offer solid proof that anything is achievable.
As tough as the journey has been, and still is, none of these things have stopped me from achieving great things. In fact, they’ve given me a perspective that means I can support other people in ways that are practical, understanding, and real.
This isn’t just about making adjustments, it’s about seeing the enormous potential in every brain.
I work with individuals and brilliant businesses who are ready to make serious progress. I can help entrepreneurs launch, businesses grow, teams overcome obstacles, and help workplaces genuinely understand and support neurodiversity.
The reason I focus on businesses is simple. The things neurodivergent people struggle with are often everyday human challenges, but they are significantly heightened to the point of paralysis. If your workplace puts the right support tools in place it makes your personal journey less painful and less hard, and the sense of relief across the team can be huge.
When a workforce feels supported, understood and enabled to succeed, from individuals struggling with the double whammy of ADHD and hormones through to the whole team, everyone benefits. I can help a business turn awareness into action, and that makes life better for every single person who works there.
Final Takeaway
Awareness and small, positive changes actually make a real difference.